Well, it’s 3:41 am, and I’m up again! I had my fourth IV IG treatment yesterday and per usual, the nurse gave me a prednisone shot. I was able to stay up until 10:00 and now I’ve been awake since 2:30. Am I complaining? No way! With my third treatment, I started to notice much more of a difference. I had more energy overall and the constant pain of arthritis virtually went away until this past weekend when a front moved through. I did not have any days where I felt like I’d been hit by a car over the past month which has been great, though I still lack the flexibility I used to have. I can’t put my hands completely together, and it’s still hard to get off the floor or out of the bathtub but living with much less pain has been wonderful.
I’m hoping that with a few more treatments, I can go into remission, but I think I’m going to have to work on reducing stress in order to do that. Of course, it’s up to God as well. I want to go into remission but I told him a long time ago that if he wanted me to have it for some reason, then his will be done…just please don’t let me have organ involvement, and in my eighteen years of having autoimmune disease I haven’t. I can’t blame God or be angry with him for these conditions. Illness is part of the human condition. It happens. This is not a perfect world and our bodies are not perfect, and I feel that disease does serve a purpose, I know it has for me. I still hope and pray I go into a permanent remission but HIS will must be done.
As I said in a previous post, I’m reading Crazy Love by Francis Chan, and in one chapter, he talks about being a lukewarm Christian, one who goes to church on Sunday and perhaps Sunday school and that’s it. They don’t devote any more time to God than that. If you love God, you’re supposed to want to spend time with him just as you would people that you love and you should extend that love to others as well, but this can be very difficult. In the grand scheme of things, we are only in this world for the blink of an eye. Chan states that God is the real star of a super long movie. People like Moses and Abraham played significant roles but God was there long before them and will be there long after them and us. HE’s the main cast member as well as the producer AND director. As humans, we are just minor actors playing bit parts but we act as though everything in our lives is SO important and that we’re the major actors. I keep thinking that the teenagers I work with are so egocentric, but aren’t we all really?
Since we’re not around for very long, it seems that we should try to make our actions count for something. I think we’re put on this world to make it better or make it worse. Are YOU making it better or worse? You may think you don’t make any difference whatsoever, but it’s hard to tell unless someone points it out to you.
That being said, I’m including at the end of this blog entry a little film clip of George Bailey from the end of “It’s a Wonderful Life”. If you never saw this movie, let me enlighten you and stress that you REALLY MUST see this movie. The main character, George Bailey, wants to go out into the world and explore. He doesn’t want to stay in his “crumby little town” but his father dies, and he feels obligated to take over the family business, a small building and loan company. When his uncle and business partner, misplaces $8,000 (a lot of money in the 1940’s) on the day the bank examiner comes for an inspection, he almost commits suicide and when he’s rescued by a guardian angel, he says, “I wish I’d never been born.” The angel grants his wish, and he realizes the many positive impacts he made during his life. He inadvertently saved people from going to jail. He saved his brother’s life when his brother was 8, so he indirectly saved a lot of people his brother saved during WWII. He kept his quaint little town from becoming full of nightclubs and bars, and the list goes on and on. You may never hear a thank you for the good you do, and you may never realize what an impact you make, but you do make an impact.
“Therefore, as God’s chosen ones, holy and loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience. Be tolerant of one another and forgive each other if anyone has a complaint against another. Just as the Lord has forgiven you, you also should forgive. Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which ties everything together in unity. Let the peace of the Messiah also rule in your hearts, to which you were called in one body, and be thankful. Let the word of the Messiah inhabit you richly with wisdom, teaching and admonishing one another with psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs, and singing to God with thankfulness in your hearts.And whatever you do, whether by speech or action, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.” (Colossians 3: 12-17)