A lot has happened since my last post. My mother came to live with me. She’s 82, mostly blind because of macular degeneration, partially deaf, and has pretty bad Osteoarthritis. In my last post, I was looking for more solitude. I guess that wasn’t meant to be. I just can’t see putting her into an assisted living facility because I think she would be miserable because of the type of person she is. Luckily, my husband was supportive. I just hope and pray that her health needs don’t extend beyond our capabilities at some point.
Last night I found myself feeling sorry for myself again. When I took my mom to church, they had all these cute young kids singing in the choir, and at the end of the service, all the moms were told to stand for a blessing. I just sat there since I don’t have any children. I have three step-kids whom I love very much but I wasn’t involved in their upbringing. They live several hundred miles away, were in their late teens by the time my husband and I met, and I only get to see them a couple times a year. Meanwhile, I have three friends who have had children in the last couple of years and one more friend who is expecting in July. I know it’s a lot of work and would take more time and energy than I have. It’s a huge sacrifice, and I would worry all the time, but part of me feels incomplete. Part of me feels like I’m less than a woman because I don’t have children. I know this feeling will pass as it always does. Mother’s Day is just kind of tough for me. I guess I’ll just have to make the best of it and try to cherish the time I have left with my own mother, cutting some roses from my rose bushes and taking her out to lunch.