Wearing Mortality

I came across the following quote today from page 179 of A Guide to Prayer for All Who Walk with God by Rueben P. Job, Norman Shawchuck, and John S. Mogabgab: “We are born and we shall all die. The person who is in communion with God wears mortality comfortably. To be with God is to be at home in this world and the next.”

This quote really resonated with me. When I was diagnosed with Lupus at 23, I thought I would die in the next few years, and I was devastated. I had all these dreams to accomplish…starting my career, buying a house, having children, etc. These weren’t just dreams; they were expectations. I was devastated. I angrily thought How dare God do this to me!

I now realize that God wasn’t doing this to me, for “the rain falls on the righteous and unrighteous alike” (Matthew 5:45), but man, was it pouring down on me!  Unfortunately, I didn’t deal with my diagnosis very well, and I decided that God either didn’t exist or didn’t care about me. After a couple of years, when I was feeling completely overwhelmed and desperate, I decided to pray to God for help, and I told him that I was turning all my burdens over to him. Things got better almost immediately. Later, when I prayed for a good husband, God sent a good man to me who soon proposed. When I prayed to go into remission, I did…for 2 1/2 months. It was nice to feel completely well for a time, but having a chronic disease actually helps me to put things into perspective, so I’m not upset or angry that my remission ended or that I was then diagnosed with Dermatomyositis.

I have been blessed more than I ever thought possible. I’m not rich; my husband isn’t even working right now, but our house is paid off, and we have good food, friends, and family. More importantly, because I know how weak and susceptible the body is and because I talk to and revere God each day, I’m comfortable with the idea of my own mortality.  I am confident that God will bring me home, and I will be reunited with my loved ones who have gone on before me.

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