Thursday night I went through an inordinate amount of stress. I lay awake for hours, crying and praying, and when I finally did sleep, I had a terrible nightmare. I dreamed that I was on the edge of a city, looking out at an ocean when a tidal wave came at me. It broke around me, leaving me untouched, but to my right and left there were people and objects being washed away, and I felt completely helpless to do anything. Everything was destroyed. I felt an overwhelming sense of loss.
When I woke up, I was shaken. I reflected on everything that had happened the day before and how things could’ve ended up differently, but I knew that what had happened wasn’t my fault. Once I accepted that, I felt some measure of peace. I also decided that I would have faith in God that everything would turn out OK…even if it took years.
I had a hard time getting up because my body ached all over, and I felt exhausted, but I knew I wouldn’t be able to sleep anymore. When I looked into the bathroom mirror, I was shocked to find that my face was red and swollen, and my eyelids were purple. I had edema and had developed the heliotrope coloring characteristic of dermatomyositis…big time!
What does one do when one’s world changes dramatically in a short period of time? When all you have done seems to be for naught and can be changed by the whim of another person? I think a man in my church said it best today when he gave his testimony. He said that when he was 25, his wife died, and his business failed, but he took refuge in God and in his faith. The circumstances of life as well as the actions of people in this world can rob us of our happiness…at least for a time. I’m reminded of the book Why by Adam Hamilton who reasoned that bad events and situations aren’t caused by God. However, God is there to comfort us and give us strength of mind and spirit.
Things did get resolved the next day, and I slept deeply for over ten hours the next night. I feel much better now, but Thursday was a reminder of how quickly one’s life can be turned upside down. All I can do is rely on the Lord and remain hopeful that everything will work out.
As I conclude this post, I am reminded of Isaiah 40:31: “Yet those who wait for the LORD Will gain new strength; They will mount up with wings like eagles, They will run and not get tired, They will walk and not become weary.”
By the way, my little Sheltie, CJ, who was paralyzed by a spinal stroke, or FCE, three weeks ago has made remarkable progress. He is now able to walk. He has a limp, but it doesn’t seem to bother him, and he’s also regained the ability to go to the bathroom by himself once more. 🙂