It’s interesting how things can change so quickly over a week’s time. Last weekend, my husband was in horrible pain from what we now know to be a herniated disc and two bulging discs. I felt helpless to do anything, and I was pretty sure he would lose his job since he couldn’t stand or sit up and had to miss work. He’s only had this job since June and has no sick or personal days. I broke down one night, alone in the bathroom, sobbing out of fear…fear I know I shouldn’t have had as a Christian but fear I felt nonetheless. I just knew I was going to be supporting my husband again…after doing so for two and half years up to June. Fortunately, his new workplace has been pretty understanding and my husband was able to start back yesterday with the help of a steroid shot and a special inflatable neck collar. It looks awful, but it seems to help.
So after a stressful week, I had the house to myself this weekend since my husband worked twelve hour shifts both days. I started early yesterday, cleaning the house, doing the laundry, grocery shopping and starting some stew in the crock pot. Then I was off to Bartonville, TX where an old friend was celebrating her 40th birthday at Marty B’s BBQ. It was great to catch up with her and other friends I hadn’t seen in over a year.
When I came home, I decided to go for a bike ride and I was finally able to ride my bike without touching the handlebars, something I’d been trying to do for a while now and had done as a kid but figured I couldn’t do on a 21 speed bike…especially at my age. I can’t describe how light I felt. It was like when you’re a kid learning to ride your bike, and you suddenly realize you’re riding your bike by yourself because your dad has let go of the seat and is no longer running beside you. I felt liberated and young again.
I also spent a lot of time this weekend just resting and listening to soft music. I know that sounds boring, but when you’re always on the go and you have a stressful job, it’s rather peaceful and energizing. After church and lunch with friends today, I found time to play the harmonica for a while…much to the disappointment of my dogs.
The best part of this weekend was being called up and told that I get to take part in a Casting for Recovery retreat next weekend. These retreats, which are for those with breast cancer or who have recently had breast cancer, give participants a chance to learn how to fly fish and practice. I had been chosen as an alternate, but I figured no one would cancel, but someone did. I’m so thankful for this opportunity and am looking forward to being around others who have experienced what I went through last year. It’s been almost a year since my reconstruction, and I’m still trying to get used to the way I look, the way my clothes fit, and the sensations, and lack of sensation, that I experience.